Insight, Opinion, Nonsense

Have you ever wondered why people panic and go to OCD heights to brush and floss their teeth 30 minutes before their 6 month checkup? The dentist doesn't overlooks your mediocre habits and that hidden chunk of meatloaf in your back molar.

I believe this would be my top 5 ways to stay cool in the Hamptons this summer

1. Don't refer to the South Fork at all as THE HAMPTONS
2. Remember to put your SUV in 4 wheel drive before going on the beach and be cognizant that the ocean water won't support your vehicle.
3. 27 doesn't equate with the amount of months or years since you last drove a car, in fact 27 is the one of the busiest roads on short island and you should stay off of it.
4. Know the height of all railroad bridge underpasses before renting a U-Haul.
5. Don't use the word local unless referring to tomatoes, corn, or potatoes.

Is Bruce Jenner an Olympic Gold Medalist or a clueless, overshadowed father and husband or the next spokesman for Grecian Formula? Nine out of 10 youthful American's believe we is actually a typo for Wii and wonder how the Declaration of Independence is spelled incorrectly, reports ESPN's Hannah Storm.

Do we really have to believe that Taco Bell has a corporate chef and consumers should feel excitement about double steak bathroom infused tacos. Live Mas!

Perhaps someone could explain to me why often injured and career journeyman pitcher Eric Bedard, now pitching for the Houston Astros removed himself from the game last week after throwing 6 1/3 innings of no hit ball? After his manager, and I paraphrase said "Uh Eric you do realize you're pitching a no-hitter, right"

"Well skip I have thrown 103 pitches and no way I'm throwing 110 pitches or more because I've had 3 shoulder surgeries and want to pitch another 3 years"

Really? If I were the coach I would've walked out and said "Hey Eric need a splash of Gatorade, coffee, or smelling salts? Pitch a no hitter and we're going to Taco bell"

I guess Eric Bedard would rather pitch 3 more meaningless years in order to sign another contract than taste baseball history (a no hitter). Bedard would rather be known for a 10 year mediocre career than one night of greatness. What scientist or Sabermetrics geek decided 100 pitches was the heave ho for starting pitchers? How do the Washington Nationals feel today about limiting Steven Strasburg's innings in 2012 and shutting him down for the postseason last year to rest his arm. How is that working out for the Nationals in 2013?

It must be pretty good these days being a MLB starting pitcher; you get paid millions more to do a whole lot less. That almost sounds like America's new work ethic! Stay home get food stamps and welfare. Want more out of life, stand on a 4 corner intersection and beg for money. I wonder how Astros legend, hall of famer, and now Texas ranger executive Nolan Ryan feels about Eric Bedard's yellow performance last week. Ryan just needing a couple more Advil, and he was ready to pitch 7 no-hitters and kick Robin Ventura's butt at age 44.

If Prince had a symbol in the early 90's instead of his old stage name with the Revolution or New Power Generation, maybe it's time to do the same for class clown and overpaid PED junkie Alex Rodriguez. Ready, wait for it **********.! Did ya miss it? Here it is again multiplied and brought to you by GNC and written by 2011 MVP (most valuable phony) Ryan Braun*********************************************************************************************

News Flash! If MLB wants to have a serious drug policy here it is: Fail a PED test and you're banned for 1 year without pay, and the team that has contractual rights to you can void your long term contract. Fancy that!

Maybe Jimmy Hoffa can rise up from the dunes near Camp Hero and dot the i's and cross the t's for the new drug policy for MLB and it's infamous players union.

Ever wonder at 2am during a bout of insomnia when a network is replaying last night’s game, that the announcer comes on and says due to time constraints we now move forward to.........REALLY? What other idiot but myself is watching, what time constraints? Are we taking precious time away from Shamwow commercials at 3am?

Incredible talent witnessed today on Rt 37 in central Florida. A young man, maybe 28 was seen riding his bicycle, smoking a Marlboro red, and texting all at the same time. Incredible multi-tasking!

In a few short weeks my favorite sign will make its annual appearance. Schools Open drive carefully! That's right motorists, the July and August mulligan to drive like an idiot ends soon, check your local listing. Not available in New Jersey and California, some restrictions apply.

Watching Phil Mickelson, (not just because he has a bigger chest than my wife), is pure theatre and everything thrilling that Tiger Woods cannot do anymore. However ESPN will be quick to point out at most golf tournaments golfers don't win or secure victories, but Tiger Woods loses these same tournaments. The same can be said with tennis and the Williams sisters. Remember it's ESPN's world and we're just living in it.

I swore ESPN told me Monday that Alfonso Soriano had been traded to the evil empire for a Twix bar, a MetRX power bar, and a $25 GNC gift certificate. Oh wait a minute, this was reported in breaking news format that this deal was ALL BUT A DONE DEAL. Read the fine print, almost a done deal, wow that's newsworthy. That's right up there with my wife almost made me dinner. As of Thursday night July 25, 2013 no deal between the Yankees and Cubs had been reported just yet. Par for the course for Disney owned ESPN, so fixed and laser focused on reporting hearsay, innuendo, and rumors from unnamed sources first.

Don't you just love the car speeding at dusk without its lights on while texting at the same time. I'm thinking the driver of the car must be Jake from State Farm.

Do cars still parallel park on Napeague Stretch in a 55mph zone? Wait the speed limit is 55 mph and not 35? It's all about staying cool in your Range Rover alone this summer in the Hampton's - check your local listing.